Sew what?

Hello, my name is Jennifer and I'm domestically deficient in the sewing department. How bad is it? Suffice it to say, I can't even sew a button on a blouse or manage a simple hem. For these things, I rely on my trusty costumer for the Voodoo Darlings troupe, Curtis Kidd - aka: Arthur Couture, Saviour of Sewing. For anything that needs my immediate attention, safety pins or a hot glue gun has always done the trick.

Now, when it comes to certain household duties, I can hang. I've got laundry down to a fine art. I can organize a closet like nobodies business, but when I got word from Tru's kindergarten teacher at school that his Friendship Quilt needs to be tied and returned by Wednesday, I had to wave the white flag of sewing surrender. In defense of the Open Classroom where my son attends, they did provide all the necessary materials, complete with adorable drawings on the fabric by each of the kids in the class. All I have to do is tie the thing. "Easy as pie", one of the other mothers said--a phrase that has always confused me, considering pie baking is hardly something I view as simplistic. To be fair, it's not like Tru's teacher burdened me with this impossible task last minute, but somehow I missed her previous 5-10 email reminders about the Quilt Completion Deadline.

So, now the domestically-challenged part of me wants to shout, SEW WHAT? Who needs a well-tied quilt anyway? Surely, Tru will survive and manage to secure friends without a masterfully done Friendship Quilt. If I put his materials together with safety pins and hot glue, not only will he love it, but the other mothers in his class may even congratulate me for my ingenuity, right?

Wrong.

I suppose a superior mother would Google "Quilting for Dummies" and stay up for the next 48 hours slaving over a sewing machine or whatever exotic contraption is used to assemble a quilt. But for me, it's time to man up and pay the piper. I don't call it the "Memoirs of a Mediocre Mother Blog" for nothin'. So here goes...fast cash to the first person who can tie Tru's quilt for me by Wednesday morning and potentially allow me to take all the credit when the time comes.

In return, I'll compensate you monetarily, appreciate you eternally, and transform one of your closets into a space organized enough to set up shop inside. You'll be able to call it a second bedroom and rent it out to a tenant and I'll have a Friendship Blanket to turn in, guaranteeing that my son will, in fact, make friends in the future--which was probably not the point of the project. At the end of the day, Wednesday to be exact, I just want to rest easy knowing that if Tru turns out to be a lifelong recluse it won't have anything to do with my inability to sew on a button.